Peace Corps from a Transgender Volunteer’s Perspective

I am an RPCV who successfully served in rural Africa. I also happen to be the first transsexual man to have done so.

My desire to become a Peace Corps volunteer stemmed from not only believing in the mission and goals of PC, but because I wanted to gain valuable international experience in my field and figure out if I wanted to continue my career path abroad. Like many PCV’s before me, I wanted to test myself. Did I have what it took to work in international development? Could I really live and work in rural Africa for two years? And, of course, I wondered if my being trans would make a difference in my quest to answer these questions.

I found that my journey to find the answer to these very personal questions was not much different than that of my fellow PCV’s. My questions may have been different, but every PCV knows that the reasons they have for becoming a volunteer, and further, for staying are often multi-layered and personal. Some of this internal journey is shared with our friends while in service, and some is not. And while so much of my experience as a PCV was shaped by the people I found myself among; the host-country nationals (HCNs) and PCV’s who shared (or didn’t share) my dedication to work in development and cross-cultural exchange, nearly all of those people did not know that I am transgender.

One thing I must make clear is that my non-disclosure was due to necessity. While homosexuality is seen as potentially life threatening in some village societies, having undergone a “sex-change” is undoubtedly so. Within a few days of arriving I met with my Country Director, who was concerned for my safety. Through that conversation, it became clear that the only way my CD and I felt comfortable with my service was if no one knew about this particular aspect of my past. Gossip is rife in PCV life and our close connections to HCNs can cause people to become cloudy in our judgment about disclosures. We didn’t want a well-meaning friend to pass on a bit of juicy gossip that could inadvertently cause me physical harm and/or to be pulled out of country by the local Peace Corps office for my safety. While I agreed with my CD about my need for non-disclosure, knowing that if people did find out that I would be sent home immediately, was a great deal of added pressure. And so from the outset I went about my service in the proverbial closet.

When I look back at my service my highs and lows in-country have very little to do with my transsexual history. Like most PCV’s I made friends in the community I lived in, the volunteers close to me (and some far away) and did my level best to make a difference through my work. Language and cultural barriers came, went, and resurfaced, friendships deepened, and my time as a PCV marched on. Of course there were times when I felt that it might have come up for me to disclose my trans status were I not in service, and that was difficult to navigate practically as well as justify emotionally.

Like most PCV’s I have made lifetime friendships with the people I met as a volunteer. Of course I had fears: that people would “find me out” and I would be summarily dismissed from PC service; that I could become hurt or very ill and be “discovered” in a local hospital and mistreated. These things were realities for me, and are for the transsexual and transgender volunteers that serve in different capacities around the world, invisibly to this day. Yet, in much the same way that all PCV’s have trouble describing their “Peace Corps Experience” on a day-to-day level it all seemed very mundane to me at the time. The physical navigation of my non-disclosure: being careful not to been seen while changing clothes or not mentioning certain aspects of my female childhood in conversation, were challenges not much different than those I faced at the gym or with friends who didn’t know back home.

Sometimes I wonder what my experience would have been like had I disclosed to people while I was in country. Would it have been very different? Most of the time I don’t think my service would have been different had I spoken up. But it is undeniable that the one person I did talk to about myself, made a huge difference to me. While I agonized over my disclosure ultimately I knew that there had to be a peer I could confide in; my CD and Peace Corps Medical Officer (PCMO) were not only logistically hundreds of miles from me but not exactly objective parties. I thought that if I confided difficulties I might be sent home and to me, that was not an option. Having a friend (who later became my lover) who might begin to understand my particular hopes and fears and, importantly, talk me through them, was essential in helping me keep peace of mind under pressure. Even after she left and I remained I believe that having someone who knew who I was in my past as well as my present helped me build confidence throughout the duration of my Peace Corps service.

I continue to live and work abroad and I am often focused on countries with people that might not accept me as a transsexual but want and need my technical expertise. Now, as a professional I am more at leisure to call the shots in regards to who, how, and if I disclose. Yet there remains a duality; I live in service to those who might threaten my life if they were to know my past. There is an element to this that rings true to all people who live a life of service outside of the comfort zone; the doctors at Medicine Sans Frontiers (Doctors Without Borders) must feel a similar sense of push and pull. I take comfort in this, and so, with my trans and non-trans brothers and sisters I continue my service, feeling blessed with the opportunity to do so.